Everybody (even those without children) will offer pregnant moms unsolicited advice. It’s charming and annoying at the same time. But I can’t pass up this bandwagon.

Here is the scenario:

• I live in a 1-bedroom apartment with not a lot of space.
• Laundry is 3 floors down.
• In planning for a baby, and space requirements, my partner and I want things that have a small footprint, but also recognize that the “hide-a-bed” approach to tools/equipment means that it usually sucks at all features vs. being good at any of them.
• The basic requirements for us are a place for the baby to sleep, a comfortable place to nurse and a safe place to change diapers.

What You Need to Buy for a Newborn: A Checklist

Clothing

• 8 onesies (for a fall/winter babes go for long-sleeve and pants with feet—basically he/she will live in the same 2-4 outfits but if laundry isn’t easily accessible, extras help. For summer newborns, go lighter fabrics, same deal. Babies like to be a little hot vs. a little cold. There’s some super expensive $40 onsies made from bamboo fabric (Hip Baby and Crocodile on W4th Ave, if you’re in Vancouver). They feel lovely. Put those on a gift list!
• ALSO, tap into the underground baby-clothes swap. Clothes for 0-12 month olds fit for such a short period of time. Find or make friends so you can happily trading down or up as babe grows. You’ll likely have more clothes than you can use—I did and I did not have friends with babies during pregnancy so I didn’t think I’d be on the receiving end of so many little outfits. But I was, and it was awesome.
• Since you don’t know the size of the baby, the trading helps too. But if you buy or have people giving you gifts, get a mix of the 0-3 clothes but more for 3-6 months, maybe only 1-2 newborn ones (4-7 lbs) because unless you have a preemie, babe is only in those sizes for 3-6 weeks. Plus if people are buying you clothes, babes 4-6 months can have solid foods, which means more mess, more laundry so getting more of those clothes is better. Newborns, again, only need a few outfits.
• Onesies with feet are good, then they aren’t kicking off socks. If you have one with hand covers that can be good too for anti-scratching, but the baby will likely hate having hands covered so don’t get more than 1. Some of the onesies have little cuffs that fold over. I vote for those.
• For stuff you buy, look at the complexity of how the outfits button/zip up. There are some with a million snaps. AVOID. Best are zippers, especially for adults with bigger hands (I’m looking at the dads and the grandparents, moms are magicians and obviously can do buttons and zips, with eyes closed). Another pro for zips: the zipper top is covered so no worry about baby. Forget anything that ties. Even magicians do not have time for making nice bows. Since zipper ones are difficult to find, especially with neck protection from zipper, go for snaps but watch for how many. I found lots of zips in the States, funny since Canada supposedly invented the zipper.
• Think in layers. Babies want to wear 1 more layer than you to feel comfortable wearing given the temp. Feel the back of their neck to test temp vs. hands since they have terrible circulation initially. Fleece clothing may be too warm for newborns. Tuck them into blankets or sleep sacks instead. Note there is some contrary opinions on sleep sack but my babe loved them.
• 2 newborn hats (1 for outside and to keep in the heat, and 1 for when you lose the 1^st one, haha).
• 1 pair of scratch mittens, to keep baby from scratching face (get more if and when you need, not all babies are scratchaholics).
• Forget the socks and booties for newborn, get them later.
• 2 sweaters or jackets (i.e., outfits for outdoors), but even better for newborn are the great cozy stroller bags. Pro: then you don’t have to fuss with a jacket.
• 10-20 receiving blankets (they also make handy burp cloths; get a ton, they are super helpful and also protect your clothes)

Feeding

Breastfeeding is hard, harder than anyone tells you. Think about the ergonomics of where you’ll nurse. Without a live specimen, it’s hard to figure this out. My couch seemed like a comfortable place until I tried it with a baby. A series of pillows did not support my back, were always moving and I used a tool kit for a stool because I couldn’t find anything the right height. You’ll have to figure out what’s best for you around week 3-4.

Don’t martyr yourself.

If you have to get the glider/rocking chair, do it to protect your back. Make sure you have something that is the right height (legs at right angles, plus footstool that’s low/high enough, arm rests to protect your shoulder from hitching upwards or dangling). You want to be able to recline back slightly. Again, figure this out when you have bebe. Hunching forward is an issue when you first start. Make sure to stretch your back and shoulders after nursing. Every time! Cat and dog pose is helpful.

Breast pump – electric, double: It’s an investment, see if you have a friend with one. Go for double and find the nice pumping bra (it’s glamorous and has holes or flaps for the flanges to fit in, those are the cone/funnels that go around the areola and attach to the bottle you pump into) so you have hands free. This may be the only time of day that happens. Colostrum comes in and you’ll hand express, sometimes into a cup to feed the baby if he/she isn’t good at latching. Then as you get milk, you may or may not get enough stimulation initially. Having a pump on hand, even a single, until you see how it’s going is a good idea because it’s stressful to find when you’re postpartum and sending out a parent, friend or partner. Common brands are Medela and Avent. I used Medela. You can pump directly into the bottles and store those. Avent is also good. See what your friends have. You’re not supposed to second hand these but if you’re comfortable with the friend, just save yourself the $200-300. You sterilize all the pieces anyway. If nothing else figure out in advance what pump you like and where to buy it. Make sure your partner, friend, or a parent has this information and figure out what retailers are open 24hrs and stock it.

Lots of mamas hate pumping and never end up using it so that’s why I also opt for second hand, or just wait and see.

What else:

• Milk storage containers; start with 8 150-ml bottles. If it’s Medela, go with 1-2 nipples, you’ll wash equipment after each bottle feed (again breastfeeding is super hard at first and nobody talks about or remembers that they were feeding and pumping all the time to get enough milk or to get the milk into the baby if the problem is a lazy sucker.
• Thermal bottle carrier or ice packs. You don’t really need this unless you are planning to be on the go. Ice packs work too since you can also use them to ice your back and shoulders when you wreck them from breastfeeding—did I mention ergonomics?
• Nursing pillow (borrow if you can until you figure out what works for you. MyBreast Friend work wraps around your body, has a back support portion, and a strap that tightens and keeps the pillow in place. Love the MyBreast Friend.)
• Nursing bras (if buying before baby is born, buy just 1 that is 2 sizes bigger than your normal size. For example, if you are a 34C, assume you’ll jump to a 38C. Go for no underwire and stretchy fabric so if you’re a bit bigger than 2 sizes that’s ok. For the first week or so it’s fine. Exercise bras that crossover in front also work because you can pull down the fabric to nurse. Just be mindful that things are going to be sore so a bra that comes over your head can be hard to get on and off, especially if you have sore breasts. You will change shape a lot in the first few days. You can get nice nursing bras a few weeks later as you settle out in size.
• Breast pads (disposable Lansinoh ones are great or washable Lilypadz but the Lilypadz can smell a bit weird and they can compress your nipples. Wow so much info here. If you have an inverted nipple or distended nipples, you’ll have some different issues.
• Nursing tops – these tend to be VERY expensive for what they are. A few “bar tops” tend to work well – the low cut cross over type, and they are much cheaper. Sex it up. Plan on tops that you can pull down otherwise you have a lot of fabric up around your neck. Camis, crossover tops, big neck tshirts and lots of cardigans. You can leak too, not everyone does, hence those breast pads. Dark tops hide this better. Think black. Also think about a bra to sleep in. You don’t want a wet bed, or even if you just have little spots, you don’t want to stick to things. It’s unpleasant because your nipples will be tender initially. Bras through for night are uncomfortable because the straps or latches push into your back. I found a great tube top. Hello 1980s. The disposable pads stick inside ok, and you’re not having a full night sleep of turning anyway. If you’re larger breasted, go with what works and is comfortable when you’re laying down.
• Nursing cover up – Hootie Hider. It’s like an apron you wear and the neckline has a rigid collar so you can peak down at bebe. Great if you are going to be doing nursing in public (and you likely will–eventually) or when in-laws and friends are over.
• Nursing areas – Create a calm space, ensure you have something to look at. You might be there 20 mins to an hour. If you are endlessly nursing, let me know as I had lots of trouble and it drove me insane. I have met every lactation consultant you can imagine and have a ton of tips. If you hire someone, get them to come to you. It’s better in the first weeks to conserve your energy and time. Don’t drive to appointments you don’t have to. Pay extra for the lactation consultant to come to you.
• Try out some of the apps for nursing and tracking, um, inputs and outputs. TotalBaby was my fav great app).
• Appointments, appointments, appointments. If bebe is not gaining weight, you’ll likely have baby to the doctor once a week so anytime someone can come to you, pay the extra amount for that. In general, docs want baby’s first appointment to be 1 week postpartum, schedule it for day 10 instead so you have a better chance of having regained birth weight.
• Lotion for sore nipples – Lansinoh. Get 4 tubes and have 1 at the nursing station, 1 in the bathroom, 1 in the baby bag and 1 extra. You’ll use a lot of it in month 1 & 2 then the pain goes away. Apply it liberally. Here’s the process: You’ll breastfeed, then express milk onto the nipple because it has its own anti-bacterial properties, air dry, then apply Lansinoh nipple cream. Remember it’s going to suck but it will get better around week 6 when you have more of a rhythm and baby knows what they are doing. Stick with it but definitely ask for help if you’re hating life. Or go bottle! The publicity machine for breastfeeding is really high. There are no long term studies that indicate bebe has better/worse health, brains, connection, so says my girlfriend the doctor.
• 2-4 Bibs – you’ll only need a few early on because around week 3-6 there will be more spit up. It just happens. Babes don’t have a nice valve that keeps that milk down because their digestion system isn’t developed yet. That’s why no solid foods until month 4-6.  The best bibs attach at the side of the neck, not around the back. These are easier to work with. If you have a drooly or burpy baby, you’ll probably have a bib on baby all the time. Then you need more than 2.
• Soother/pacifier – some babies use and need, others not.  It needs to be same shape/kind as nipples on bottles. Usually not recommended until nursing well established (6-8 weeks+). Avent has some 0-3 month pacifiers and there’s this brand that’s natural: http://www.natursutten.com/products/natursutten/
• Pacifiers are super when they hit the incessant crying stage (if he/she does)

Diapering: If you are using disposable diapers:

• Two boxes of newborn-size diapers (it’s better not to buy too many in advance in case your baby is large or grows quickly–but have them on hand because they go through them quickly)
• Changing pad. Kushies has a waterproof pad (flannel on one side and waterproof on the other). We don’t have a change table, just a towel on the bathroom counter and the change pad on top of that. It’s handy and when baby is bigger, we can figure out what else to do. The floor, the bed also work and the waterproof underside is key.
• Diaper Pail – We just used a regular garbage. Baby poo doesn’t smell if you’re breastfeeding. That’s a pro vs. con. Once you start solids, then it’s stinky, or if you do formula. If you want a special pail, buy second hand. Diaper Genie is a good make. Just make sure that the refills are readily available.
• Diaper bag, backpack. Whatever works for you. Don’t get too wowed by these pricey bags. I used a regular backpack with lots of pockets and find it works great, and doubles as a breast feeding pillow for the baby when I’m out and about.
• Skin care – There are baby face cloths that we use as wipes so we put warm water in the bathroom sink, soak the cloth and use that as a wipe. Then rinse and hang dry. They are saving baby from butt rash. We do have wipes for on the go. Try to find the sensitive ones. Naty is one brand and Pampers, sensitive skin. If you do use wipes and have rash (which often they get when solids are introduced and the poos are greater), then the blue tin of Penaten is what people recommend.
• No need for wipe warmer. If you use wipes, just scrunch it in your hand first to warm up.
• If rash or redness develops can use Zincofax or Penaten (blue tin, everyone swears by it). I heard Superstore brands are also good.

Bathtime

• 1 plastic infant tub (or use a large dishpan in the sink, or put baby in the sink!) Seriously, don’t worry about this one. You’ll use a cloth to wipe face, hands and feet, plus around the neck if he/she is a spit-up kid. Milk collects around the collar and stinks. But otherwise, babies don’t need baths. Maybe 2x a week at first, if that. They aren’t getting dirty. Unless there’s an epic poo, then use the sink, or bring them in the tub with you. Tub is better for when they are bigger so you can wait on this one.
• 1-2 washcloths
• Don’t need right away (or ever): Baby soft-bristled hair brush
• 2-3 soft-hooded towels
• Unless you have lots of hair, you don’t need shampoo right away. Shampoo and baby wash – go all natural.  Recommend using “Live Clean Baby”
• For Later: Bath toys and container as baby grows
• Temperature tester for tub water – e.g. duck which changes colour to indicate correct temp, or feel the water on the inside of your elbow.

Bedtime

For the first 3 months you will probably need a bassinette – the UPPA Baby vista has two stroller attachments and the bassinette attachment is safe for night-time sleeping so we chose this stroller. And it has the biggest basket underneath for carrying things. Plus it came in hot pink. The Bob stroller was highly recommended as well and seems to be the best of the 3-wheel options for people who like running with baby.

• Change area – Nice to have all essentials e.g. diapers, creams, wipes, etc. handy. Breast fed babes have frequent and loose BMs, usually after every feeding. Lots of diapers and sleepers needed for first 6 weeks. FYI for boys: point the pointer downward in the diaper so pee doesn’t spray up the front or leak.
• Change pads – essential, have some small ones. Get a change pad that is waterproof and make sure you have one for diaper bag as well.
• Waterproof mattress pad
• sleep sacks (Y or N, they worked great for us)
• Night light (night-time nursing or changing, basically so you can keep it dim)

Some research suggests overheating as a contributing factor in SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome), which is higher risk in month 2. There’s lots of scary info about this and not co-sleeping but be reasonable (month 1 just do whatever is working for sleep, don’t freak out about co-sleeping, be safe, don’t drink or do drugs. You’ll find it’s like airplane sleeping—you’re not really asleep, just resting with your eyes closed).

Safety

• Monitor – If you have a big place or a separate room for a nursery, a monitor is helpful when you are not in the same room. People recommend the Video Summer Infant monitor for picture quality, sound but as a techie, this is a piece of crappy plastic and you can buy computer monitors and real equipment for the same $200-300. We got a Belkin wemo, no monitor, because the quality is better and it works with the iphone so no need for yet another remote. That said, we haven’t had to use it often enough to know how good/bad it really is. If you go for a traditional baby monitor, look at the reviews. Many of the video ones don’t work in low light or need to be mounted a specific way.
• Basically you’ll have ears like a bat and will hear baby.

After first 3 months …

If you are using a crib:

• crib and crib mattress – get one that opens later into a toddlers bed so that you don’t have to change it in 1 year. Test it out by laying a pretend babe down. The height of side rail may be a consideration, lower for short folks. Mattresses are often sold separately.
• 1 waterproof mattress cover
• 2 fitted cribsheets
• 2 light blankets that fit in the crib (you can layer up as needed)

If you are co-sleeping:

• Firm mattress (not a waterbed)
• waterproof pad to place under baby
• Light comforter (keep away from baby’s head)
• Sleep sack for baby
• Consider sleeping perpendicular to baby—i.e. baby feet at your chest so if you roll over, it’s on to feet only

Other necessities

• Approved infant safety seat for car – can’t leave the hospital without it. Bring some extra blankets to the hospital to fit around their wee head.
• Stroller – best to buy one that can work till the baby is 3 years old to avoid buying several ones. Make sure it will collapse and fit in car.
• Nail clippers or scissors (or just bite off baby’s nails as needed)
• Useless: syringe for suctioning mucous. There are bulb ones and ones with a hose and you suck it out. The latter is apparently better. All of these were a waste of money for us.
• Eye dropper or medicine spoon (get as needed, and if you have a 24hr pharmacy that stocks them, don’t worry about it til you need it)
• Medication in case of fever (get as needed, and if you have a 24hr pharmacy that stocks them, don’t worry about it til you need it)
• Child carrier – need to try on, both mom and dad. Different styles can be very useful. I liked Ergobaby vs Bjorn because it’s better for baby’s hips (face them into you vs out–studies on that warm about the splayed legs and issues with hip joints when you face baby out from you vs. in); try a wrap (http://www.mobywrap.com/ is complicated but great), there are other simpler ones that work too. Heart2heart sling is a favourite among parents.
• Thermometer – good to have on hand – can use ear thermometer – accurate enough to determine if baby has fever or not. Not as accurate as underarm but usually good enough.
• Vitamin D – needed for breast fed babies.  Buy Vitamin D Drops as you only need to give one drop as per instructions. Easy. 600-1000
• Baby Sun Screen- Yes, later
• Baby Laundry Detergent – unscented, mild. Wash most baby things separately, at least in the beginning, no bleach – or put it all together, we did
• Cleaning of equipment, and hands is very important. Get into the good habit and wash hands as soon as you come home, and invite guests to wash hands before handling baby. Soap pumps like Method are great for having at each sink because sometimes you don’t have both hands for a bar of soap. Related, unscented Aveeno hand lotion. I found my hands got really dry and baby was sneezing or scrunchy faced around scented products.

Activity

• Bouncy chair – with vibrator, music might drive you crazy with repetition. Seems to be an essential to keep little one occupied and parents sane
• Swing – space consuming! But some babies love it and if it gives you respite do it. For higher priced items, rent it from weetravel.ca to see if baby likes it. Also Craigslist and Kijiji. Lots of things you’ll have only for weeks or months so buy, borrow, second-hand, resell, whatever you can to economize.

Nice-to-have items, not needed immediately

• Rocking chair for feeding and swaddling, Glider/Rocker – “saves your life” as you spend a lot of time feeding and rocking and you want to be comfortable, even snooze from time to time.
• Playpen
• 2 or 4 pacifiers (if you choose to use these after breastfeeding is well established, ~6-8 wks)
• Rattles and other baby toys
• Mobiles
• Developmental toys, rattles, etc. One recommendation is  Whoozits as an early toy. It has black and white figures which apparently babies respond to. Also a mirror and crunchy parts.
• Activity Gym – one which you put on the floor with colourful overhead toys, etc.
• Exersaucer for when they get older.
• Books – board books with primary colours, big bright solid colours, black and white patterns. Alternatively you can make some homemade flashcards on recipe cards. Make big black and white designs for baby to stare at.

For Mama

• LOTS of maxi pads w/wings, heavy flow; Always Infinity heavyflow was recommended to me and were a nice thin pad with good absorbency
• FOOD! Both you and your partner need readily available, preferably, homemade food. Plus: get snacks that can be eaten one-handed. The general rule for family and friends: you can’t visit the baby unless you bring food!
• Backup supplies: extra paper towel (you use it a lot in week 1-3 especially for quickly cleaning spills or bottle/pump pieces), shampoo, creams, etc. Being able to take a few minutes per day to feel half decent feels so good. Don’t run out of toothpaste or toilet paper. The store might only be 5 min away but it is unlikely you’ll find time to make it there in the first week or so.
• You’ll cry, things will not feel normal. Nobody will tell you in advance about this but don’t worry, by week 6 you’ll start to feel better. During week 1-6, approach life as you would if you had the flu. Lots of comforting, easy to digest food, stay in bed if you can, and try to get as much rest as you can. Laying with your eyes closed counts. Laying is better than sitting, sitting is better than standing. When getting up, still roll to your side and press up with your arms. Your abs and uterus need to recover. Plus, keep up the kegels to avoid prolapse! I exercised too rigourous too early and ended up with a prolapse so it’s my soapbox. Go easy, no long walks, no workouts. There is a lot of time for that, don’t rush, you’ll get your body back. Make good food choices vs. focusing on exercise. And make time to look after yourself, and make sure your partner has time alone each day to just rest or recover. You are both doing a big hard job!

Phew, a novel.

Also people have had babies for as long as people have been on earth. The birthing part is handled by experts and your baby/body will just do it.

It’s the AFTER that doesn’t get enough attention. Breast feeding was super hard. I figured out sleep and getting a shower but was floored by not having coherent conversations. Week 1-3 is crazy but you’re in survival mode. It really, really does get better by week 6, then there’s a huge improvement by month 3. By month 6 it starts to get fun, month 9 is super, a year is pretty cool–babies get way more fun when they are walking, then 18 months is another transition, 24 months and 3 years onwards. It will be hard to believe when you’re in the trenches, but those milestone markers are good to look toward.

And, you’ve totally got this!